good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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