As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
