wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
