Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
