addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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