hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
