My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My vagina is officially offended.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
