Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
