her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
