She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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