There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
