And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
