if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
