It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
