just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
