If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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