What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
