Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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