I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
