if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
