So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
