well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
