Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
