Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
