I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
