This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
