I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
