my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Randomize
