I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
