I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
