Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
