I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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