dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
this boner is exhausting
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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