I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You ruined the universe
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
