His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
