Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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