This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
