She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
