quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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