thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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