i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
