Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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