It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
