When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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