there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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