thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
