i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
