Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
