Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
