your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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