Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
