grandma shit on top of the toilet
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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