wanna go halves on a baby?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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