i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
