just survived the first fart of the relationship.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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