Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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